regrets
by la rose de versailles
Summary: it was a burden no one should have had to carry. touko x n.


**regrets**

it was a burden that no one should have had to carry.

**by la rose de versailles**

He hated the sky.

When things happened, it carried on unaware. No matter what happened, the sky remained bright. It pretended like nothing in the world had happened. It pretended like hearts weren't broken; people hadn't died, like there was never any problem in the world. It continued that charade, letting 'today' descend. Those kinds of things annoyed him. The idea that the sky was so ignorant to the happenings. It was just like him. Touko had told him that once. She had told him that whenever she looked up at the sky, she thought of him.

The sky always continued on, unknowing of what occurred just the day before. It continued in ignorance, not wondering once about what might have been going on just below it. It had to remain that way though. Perhaps that was why it rained, she said. When it heard the sad stories of what had occurred, it wept. It formed clouds and cried. But the next day would come, and the sky would continue. Not knowing anything at all, shining brightly.

He had once been like that. Pure-hearted with good intentions, despite the sad stories that he was brought. He cried on those days when his father would bring him the Pokemon that were so horribly mistreated. His father would hide those bloody hands from him, the ones that caused those creatures to be so hurt. But the day would continue, and he would return to the same, unknowing ignorance. He knew nothing of the outside world and didn't care enough to find out about it.

He was just like that damned sky.

He hated being reminded of what he used to be. So full of himself, thinking that he was doing the right thing. Thinking that he was always right for protecting Pokemon from those trainers, but he had been using them the same way they had been. It was sad to think though, that he did not understand the creatures as well as he had once thought. When he had won the battle, he released all the Pokemon from their prisons. But they looked sad, almost upset. Her Samurott, Touko's, had held the same painful gaze. It waited outside of the palace gates, trying to obliterate them. It wanted its' master, he supposed.

But time passed and it slowly began to understand. There was no freedom for the white queen. The water Pokemon left the palace grounds then, and he could almost hear the sound of his queen weeping at the loss of the creature. Had he done the right thing? Releasing those creatures? Touko spoke to him sparingly, granting him only a couple of words before shunning him once again. He supposed that she needed human interaction, though the way she treated him… he did not feel like one.

But then came the resistance. A group of gym leaders and trainers, paired with the same Pokemon before. They stormed the castle, liberating his white queen and throwing him into a lowly prison cell. He was no longer the white king. He was now the black king. Black. It symbolized hatred, evil, death. No one spoke to him and he sat there, silent. He did not protest against this treatment. He only sat and remained still, eating quickly before resuming his place on the cold, stone floor.

But these people. They were not irrational. They allowed him freedom after a short, three years in comparison to his previous punishment. He lingered from town to town, never staying long enough. Touko was the first to see him though. He had asked of her, what did he do to deserve the company of another human? She did not smile at him. Her eyes did not shine as brightly as they had once shone. They were swirling like a storm, holding such sadness inside of them. She had seen one too many things that someone her own age should not have seen.

She only sat there though, looking at him in the eye. She had forgiven his actions. Because he hadn't known what he was doing had been wrong. It had taken her a couple months to be able to forgive him. It was hard for her, he understood this. He had caused her so much pain. He wasn't sure that he could forgive himself as easily as she had. She offered him a hand then. He only stared at it, wondering if it was the same as offering him a second chance. A second chance to re-do everything he had done. He wondered, was it because she believed in him? Or was she really just stupid enough to trust him after all he had done?

He had taken her hand then, regardless. He got up and she loosened her grip on his hand. He could recall when she used to hold his hand like it was the very thing that kept her alive. He reached over, grasping her hand gently. She looked surprised at him. The action was reciprocal. He was surprised that he had done that at all. She squeezed gently, taking the lead. "Do not fail me again."

He swore that he wouldn't.

The green-haired trainer stared out the window of the ferris wheel cart, gazing at the wide expanse of sky. He was no longer the sky, he noticed. He knew of the world. He knew what happened in the world now, at sweet last. It looked pretty to him now, reminiscent of the azure blue that were Touko's eyes. He smiled a little, looking down at the brown haired girl asleep on the seat. Her head was resting on his lap, and N could only smile.

Regrets were the kind of thing that he would always have on his shoulders. It was the kind of burden that no one deserved to carry. It was alright though, he thought. It would be alright if Touko was here with him. He grasped her hand gently and her eyes fluttered open at the sudden motion. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?" He spoke softly, barely above a whisper. She nodded slowly. "I'm sorry. You can go back to sleep."

She nodded then, comfortable. Her eyes shut again. His elbow rested on the edge of the window, looking at the blue sky quietly. It was nice. Not having to think about any regrets. Looking at Touko now, he didn't feel like he had any.


End file.
